"Fingertips and Mountaintops..."

Well, it's been a while since my last post... and the past days have seen the mountains, hills and prairies of Wyoming morph into skyscrapers, fire-escapes and masses of street-side garbage in New York. Right now I am sitting in an all female hostel in Harlem, where the workers live and share their space and time with the people who come to stay.

After my last post, Brooke and I weren't yet done with our hiking, and we walked for five hours in amongst the forest and canyons and waterfalls and raging rivers of the Grand Teton National Park. It was pretty special, which remains true of all of Wyoming, which is a place I will carry in my heart forever.

The day we left, I was ready to move on and see new things, but felt as though I was leaving behind a dear friend, or part of my family- it's becoming a habit for me lately, leaving behind things I love maybe a little too much...

We were heading out of Wyoming half-way through Thursday. We forgot to tip the shuttle driver, and he wasn't very happy with us. This tipping thing is something I'll never get a handle on, or feel comfortable with. As a rule of thumb, I just avoid anything that relies on the service of another human being, and then tips can be forgotten!

The plane we flew out of Jackson on was small enough to fit in a kid's toy-chest and drove right through the heart of a storm. We were thrown around like we were in a washing machine, only we came out feeling like dirty laundry rather than clean...

We had to transfer at Denver, but the bad weather that had just beaten us up wasn't finished messing with our day, and our flight to New York was delayed by about two hours. So in Denver we sat... and waited... we met some nice folks who were heading home, and proved to be like pretty much all Americans we've encountered and all too happy and excited to share stories, advice, guidance and ideas about their country.

I dropped the ball quite severely on the plane ride over to New York. I suddenly felt the size of the world I was moving about it, and wished for somewhere safe and warm I could crawl down into and soothe my over-stimulated mind. I felt like I was thrown into the middle of an ocean, with nothing around me to hold onto and keep my head up... so my only option was to tread water... but damn were my arms and legs tired.

Anyway, Bee saved us, she stepped up to the plate in epic proportions, and if she hadn't been there, I don't know what would have happened. I was this meek little shell of a person, and when we arrived in New York, already ten minutes after check-out closed for the night in our hostel, I was absolutely NO help, in any regard. She organised us a shuttle, which we nearly missed because our bags were not coming through the claim area, and we made yet another enemy in the public service sphere by not tipping the driver again- it's awfully hard to train your brain to habitually do something that you've never done before, never even thought about before. We ran around to locate an ATM because we had to pay the hostel in cash... and then we had to haul those bags us 7 flights of stairs, because, obviously, our room was on the top floor of a building with a lift that just didn't come when you pressed the button. Our three nights in that hostel saw our legs walk MANY a stair...

I woke the next morning ready for New York. I was going to do it, going to get out there and feel this place... but Bee was not quite so ready, as I had pretty successfully sucked all the life out of her the night before and left her with little to work with. We decided it best to ease into it, not rush ourselves... let New York grow on us, and seep into our skin, rather than try to cram it down our throats. We cruised around Times Square, the energy of which was pretty interesting. It feels exciting in the middle of the city, there is a lot of energy and movement, and you feel almost like there is this hot poker up your butt pushing you forward and forward and forward... like you can't stop moving or something will come up behind you and REALLY make you wish you hadn't. But even though your consumed with this energy and this drive, it makes you tired, makes you feel like your cells are... drooping.

We also checked out Central Park which was really interesting in that it feels like this little bubble floating above the city. You step in through the liquid walls and you're in another dimension. It really was like as soon as you step over the threshold, people are letting themselves breathe out, and not holding it all in their lungs anymore. Suddenly they can stop running, and let their bodies sigh and heave a little bit... it's really very nice in there, I loved the atmosphere.

That afternoon I lost it a little again, and felt like I was wasting my trip, wasting this opportunity, like I wasn't making everything I could out of it and constantly saturating myself with AMAZING sights and sounds and thoughts and events. I felt like I was letting myself down, like I could never be the kind of person who grabs the world by the throat and shakes everything out of it until they're completely satisfied, and completely whole.
I met a German man (Dan) and an Austrian woman (Manuella) in our dorm, and agreed to go out 'on the town' with them. So, we went. I felt pretty chuffed with myself, to be honest. I felt better, to be out, hitting the pubs in NEW YORK CITY. We got knocked back from one place, as we are underage in this country, but got into the next, and then the next, in which we went down into the basement and saw a live punk band. It was pretty cool... there is a real gritty, dense feel in the pubs. It feels very textured, like you could take a bite out of the air and chew it like toffee. I might not ever be the kind of person who feels the need to go out and pour grog down my throat and scream till my lungs hurt if I want anyone to hear me, but I felt good to have felt what it feels like to do that. I realised that night that I am the person that I am, but that does not mean I have to close myself off to everything that is not normally a factor in who that person is. I can feel content in myself, and in who I am, as long as I am open to everything, try things, let myself feel things that I maybe wouldn't have thought I wanted to feel beforehand, or that I was too scared to let myself feel beforehand. I feel like every single thing I see, hear, feel, touch, it may not all fill me with this other-wordly inspiration and wonder and sense of achievement, but I can feel it all adding layers to me. I can feel extra coats being brushed out over myself, new carpets being laid down... That's what counts I think. I think I need to stop expecting everything to be INCREDIBLE to be good, or to be worthwhile. Not everything has to turn my world upsidedown and inside out to be something that 'counts'.

Yesterday we woke incredibly late as a result of the night beforehand, and the day was pretty much over by the time we got out. We went down to Coney Island, which was pretty much a non-event. There was a Fourth of July festival there, so basically there were just a LOT of people, making RIDICULOUS amounts of mess, and a lot of muggy beach sun and air.
Then we went back uptown, and settled in for the night- on a closed off highway with MILLIONS of people who lined the road, the gutters, the sidewalk waiting for the Macy's Fourth of July fireworks. We waited I think around the four hour mark, and by the time they actually went off, there really were just millions of people gathered along this deserted highway by the river watching the lights in the sky. I could feel them like cannons firing in my legs, and I felt like I little girl lost in wonder at the fairy-dust exploding in the air.

After they finished, countless people turned on their heels, their joint motivation shifting from waiting, to getting the hell out of there. It was a pretty cool experience actually, as all these people joined as one, and I felt like I was a part of it, this organism that was totally united, and melting out into the streets of New York. Buses and cars and bikes were all stopped in their tracks as this entity decided it wouldn't be restricted to the sidewalk, and would instead take control of the roads.

The subway held more people than physics should have accepted, and I spent however long with my face pressed against other people's armpits and faces.
I slept like a log last night, nothing could shake me.

This morning we moved to the hostel I mentioned at the start, and we zipped over to Jersey to try and find some cheaper shopping. New York is all well and good for shopping if you have the extra cash for designer clothes and boutique dresses... but we're not really in that boat!
We had a bit of a cruise in the Upper West Side, Bleecker Street... and as Bee pointed out, you can very much tell what kind of area your in by looking at the cars that line the sidewalk, and my eyes saw a lot of Mercedez, and whatever other cars are fancy... I don't know.

But I really liked it in that area. It felt like the New York I expected. It felt richer... more pungent than Times Square and the places near there. It felt deeper and mustier... the kind of place where people could be inspired and creative and expressive. It made me want a cappucino so bad... oh how I miss cappucinos. Here they just drink brewed black coffee... anything else is super expensive, and lord knows what you're actually drinking if you get it, because the dairy situation over here is something out of this world. I think I got one proper coffee the day we landed in LA, and it was terrible, so I don't bother trying anymore, and if I need one, I just get their crappy-arse plunger coffee... can you tell it's getting on in the evening over here?

Anyway, tomorrow we're off to see the sites, the statue, Empire State Building, World Trade Center memorial... maybe we'll see the UN and City Hall, depends how much time we have. Staying in Harlem, we do kind of have to get back before dark...

So, that is all I have to report. As you can see, we haven't been up to anything much 'New Yorky' during our time in New York, but we've still got about a week here before we (hopefully) head down to stay with a woman Brooke knows in Pennsylvania. So, there's plenty of time!
I wanted to put some photos up today, but we can't do it at this hostel... maybe the next... we'll see.

Hope I wasn't too boring, or too detailed!

I miss everyone SO much. I've cried quite a few times now...

Sending lots of love, and lots of thoughts.

Mad.